Likely through some good and bad experiences with casual sex (which hopefully the tips below will prevent from being on the coercive or painful side of bad), some soul searching and talking to good friends, and some sex-positive self-talk (e.g., telling yourself that you have as much right to enjoy casual sex as any male partner, or, on the flip side that you have no obligation to engage in sex that you don’t want to engage in). Whether in a hookup or a relationship, prioritize your pleasure as equal to his.
The entire weight of the culture is against you on this one, so it’s going to take some concerted effort but it’s effort that is well-worth it.
In a nutshell, the two had a sexual encounter that they describe in vastly different terms. We exchanged numbers, we texted back and forth and eventually went on a date.
We went out to dinner, and afterward, we ended up engaging in sexual activity, which by all indications was completely consensual.” Grace, on the other hand, describes the evening as “violating,” telling Ansari the next day via text that “You ignored clear non-verbal cues; you kept going with advances.” There’s been a massive response to this story—summed up succinctly in the New York Times: “Everyone seems to have an opinion about what she did, what he did and whether talking about gray-zone sex, where the man believes that everything that happened was consensual and the woman feels otherwise, spells the end of the #Me Too movement." Despite all the controversy, undebatable is the fact that, as powerfully stated by writer Anna North, “Situations like the one Grace describes, in which a man keeps pushing and a woman, though uncomfortable, doesn’t immediately leave, happen all the time.” Also indisputable is the fact that the commonality of this situation makes it a cultural problem—pointing to need for massive cultural changes.
If you want him to stop doing something, TELL him to stop!!! She headed to New York to become the next Carrie Bradshaw, working as a TV commentator and writing for magazines, including Cosmopolitan and Time Out New York. I loved New Trier, and I did everything, from the synchronized swimming team to debate.